Little Girl, Big Emotions

When I was a child I had some big emotions. Really big. I can remember from an early age getting very easily frustrated. I guess I would have been called “emotional”. Maybe even “dramatic” by today’s standards.

There were many factors in my life that contributed to that of course just like any other child growing up; you are a product of your environment. Be that good or bad that’s just how it works. As a child your parents guide what they believe are appropriate responses to life’s challenges.

I remember having so many emotions back then and really not knowing how to process them or what to do at times.

I was just a little girl with big emotions.

You can have really big emotions as a child because well you’re a child and kids fuss and cry, but what about when you become a big girl with big emotions? Now you’re a “Drama Queen”. Now you’re suppose to “Get over it”.

You’re a mother, a spouse, a professional. You’re a school leader, a church volunteer. You’re the strong one. You can’t have big emotions. You’re too big for those now.

But those emotions don’t go away no matter how far you try to push them down and shut them off. No matter how many hours you sat alone crying into a pillow so no one would hear; you’re still the big girl with the big emotions.

From the time I was a child I remember my mother letting me have big emotions. She let me cry and feel the pain of the moment. I remember her letting me have my time to hurt, to grieve, to process, but then after all the tears would fall, she would wipe my cheeks and say “Now, all done. Let’s clean up and go play. You’re ok.”

And when that first boy broke my heart she let me cry and cry and then cry some more, because she knew everyone has a first heartbreak and this was mine. She’d wipe my tears and say, “Now, you’re going to be ok.”

When the last boy broke my heart, she held me as days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Then she finally said, “Enough. You have to get up. Put on clean clothes and brush your teeth. You will be ok. Today is going to be the first day of the rest of your life.”

And she was right.

As my heart started to find its way back together she would tell me, “Just take it hour by hour. Just get through the next hour.” The pain subsided as I grieved the loss and her loving push brought me back.

She always let me be in my big feelings, until it came time to dry my tears and clean my face. “You’re going to be ok.”

Even now as a wife, mother, business owner, and truth teller she gives me the freedom and grace to be the big girl with big emotions. It seems like life can throw punches, one after another at times, never letting up to the point where you are down for the count.

I shared with her that I had taken a few days and stayed in bed wallowing in self pity. It’s not a pretty look I promise you but it’s all I could do. In true fashion she gave her approval and said, “Pigs wallow in mud to cool themselves off and keep from being attacked by bugs. We wallow to give ourselves protection and comfort. We need that time. Now you have got to clean yourself up and move forward. And you will and you will do a great job. I love you.”

My mother is the only person in my life that not only allowed me to have my big emotions, but she never made me feel ashamed of them. She just gave me time and love and she made room for the big emotions in the little girl that grew up to be the big girl with big emotions.